Saturday, September 17, 2005

the introduction 1.

i read a lot.
i read all sorts of books - and by all sorts, i mean it.
i can be reading milan kundera's "laughable loves" this second
and be flipping one of the "gossip girl" books the next second.
my boyfriend used to find this funny.

yesterday i went to a bookstore and bought the book "twins" by marcy dermansky.
the book's about two beautiful, blond twins' "growing pains".
you know, that sort of typical suffering-teen books.
(but i love them anyway)
one of the twins was a "rebel". her name is Sue.
she's bulimic, possessive and random.
i'm possessive. i'm very possessive.
and i wanted to be like sue.
i know this sounds funny, wanting to be a character in a book.
you know how some people can get really influenced by books?
unfortunately i'm one of them.
i wanted to do something that she did.
she rode a unicycle and juggled weird shit and had her head shaved and loved women.
i can't even ride a bicycle and i love my hair and men,
so juggling would be the obvious choice.
but before i juggle "weird shit",

i would have to learn to juggle "ordinary shit" first.
this morning i typed in "how to juggle" in google, clicked into one of the results.
i took three of the mega lego-blocks;
one red, one green and the third blue;
and started juggling.

it took 2 hours to learn to juggle but i was happy.
it took my mind off my boyfriend for 2 complete hours.
he loves me no more. i wonder if he actually ever had.
he doesn't return my calls.
avoids me.
doesn't look at me in the eyes when i finally get to meet him for a short dinner.
i kept on juggling.
maybe, i thought to myself, he would find me interesting if i juggle.
he thought i'm boring and was suffocated by my possessiveness.
i'm not cool enough for him. i do mundane things.
he smokes weed, drinks, goes to parties and never mentions that to me.
i want him back.
and i loved juggling, too.
they contradict each other, my reasons for juggling.
one to get my mind off him,
and other to get him back.

i'm planning to juggle on the streets
when i'm good enough
to maybe earn a couple of dollars.
who knows? maybe dad and mom wouldn't have to worry about my college tuition fees.

then this afternoon i went downtown.

note: please stop leaving those ad-comments. they fucking annoy me.